To the One That Loves Her Next

She’s terrified of moths. She can kill other insects for you, but the line is drawn at moths. She does not fear to be alone or to be rejected, but the thought of a moth in the presence of her small and simple world, strikes a bone in her body. It makes her feel good knowing she can rely on you to take care of that. So if it’s late and you’re out with your buddies, and she texts you freaking out, go kill it. She will not sleep otherwise.

She is your stereotypical introvert. At times, you will not hear from her for hours and if she was able to ignore how it made you feel it would be days. She is not busy with others or herself, but time while being unbothered is important to her. You will take this personally, don’t. She misses you. She has trouble showing these things mostly because of fear, though trying to forget the wounds of her past that won’t let go of her, but she wants you there with her, just being around you will make her feel at home. Even laying with her and not saying a word, means so much to her, you will feel the energy beaming from her body. She would rather have you there in her alone time.

She’ll get very jealous. My god, does she get jealous. Those green eyes will turn into a deep gray. It can be the tiniest thing, once again trying to let go of her wounds that won’t seem to let go of her. Never wanting to get jealous and never says anything when she is, it’s built up inside of her because she thinks it bothersome to you. She will never blame you, or anyone but herself. She doesn’t mean for this to happen and would change that about herself if she could, she hates it. Just tell her you love her, though that won’t change her mind and the only thing that will is herself; tell her.

On that note she will need reassurance. Not every day and not extraordinarily much, but she likes to know how you care about her. Whether that be through words or actions, it’s important to her. She will show the same compassion, but will not do it if she does not feel it. She will say things softly, but mean so much. She will love you and show you with so much behind it, and when you around her – tell her. And if you can’t  do that, leave. She deserves more than that.

There would never be a time where she admits to needing help. For her, this is both a blessing and curse. She longs to be fiercely independent and never reliant on anything. But she’s so insecure, and it’s heartbreaking. Knowing how much it hurts so she prays others don’t feel the pain inside she does waking up every morning. She doesn’t believe in herself and when she starts the argument of “I won’t make this life” remind her of every reason why she will. She’ll come around.

Routine is never important but she likes to have stability. Living with her would be a beautiful catastrophe. Her messy behavior is something she’s been fighting her whole life. Wanting to be neat and regulated in her everyday life. She will clean and clean just to watch herself put everything out of order once again minutes later. She wants to live comfortably, and she is messily comfortable.

The reassurance of you reminding her how happy you are, not just with her. She wants you happy with life, happy with yourself – with or without her. For her it is important for you to realize who you are and how much you mean to this world and everyone who surrounds you, she tries to remind you of that.

But that’s how she is.

Pasta always comes first. Remember that.

Make her tea and remember the way she likes her coffee, she will notice that.

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