I’m so tired, I’m so tired of being tired. But it’s not the kind of tired that sleep can fix. It’s not the kind of tired that is over when you wake up, it cannot be fixed with coffee or energy drinks. It’s no longer life I am tired of – no, I’ve never been tired of that – I’m tired of existing as a random person who walks and says little words and does the same thing everyday. I am tired of not being at peace everyday, and never knowing how it will be the next morning. My bones are aching and soul is heavy, and I’m tired. I’m tired of running and hiding and playing catch up with who I am. I’m tired of trying to cover up parts of me I’m not sure of and parts of me I don’t want to know, but I know I don’t want to scare other people. I can be wild, but all I really want to do is keep to myself for the rest of my life. I’m tired of having conversations I don’t want to have and faking my education of something I find useless. I’m tired of trying to meet a certain expectation made up by no one specific, but it’s still there – it’s still me – it’s who I am supposed to be. There has to be another way. Right? Because this isn’t life and this isn’t what you’re supposed to do everyday. Though everyone is tired, so that must mean no one is doing it right and no one has another way of living and no one has a solution for this expectation. I want everyone to live a day in someone else’s mind and see the violent emotions they feel. But I don’t want to die – no. I want to keep living, but I don’t want to keep living like this.
Midday Thoughts. CR