Life has given me a lot so far. I can’t complain, I love my life – I really do. Believing in myself has been one of the hardest things I’ve had to do, and life so far has only made that even harder. I have both underestimated and overestimated myself, and at certain times all at once. At the current moment in time, it seems like everything is tearing down at once. I don’t want to go into specifics, but I’m trying. I’m trying everyday to both cleanse my life and tamper with it at the same time. I don’t want a fresh start, though moving away sounds so beautiful, it does not sound beautifully chaotic – quite frankly, just chaotic. I want to know I am able to start over while not moving away from all of my problems, because I no longer want to avoid them. I want to learn from them, and I need problems to help me grow, process, and progress. Some lessons I value, that are currently changing my stance, value, and perspective are:
My silence serves no one.
I have spent my entire life keeping to myself, only relying on myself to solve my own problems, and not really letting people know that I have them – and if they know I have them they are unaware of the extent. I am going to try to be more vocal not to all, but to the ones I love. I want to understand the line between sharing too much and sharing nothing at all.
With this, comes the ability to be able to listen as well. This is something a lot of people need to work on, in my opion. When talking to friends, family, and other loved ones you should be able to talk about yourself with the ability of letting them do the same. Make people feel comfortable and loved, and try to have a sense of home everywhere. Remember it is important for yourself to express, just as it is for others.
You’re Still Trying.
Finding a middle ground to being a young feamle and wanting to conquer your own world can be tricky. Be aware of what you can and cannot do. Push yourself without breaking yourself and be able to sense what would break you and what would make you. Tough calls are not going to be the death of you, though. Be able to make those tough calls because those as well push you to grow. Though you can’t do everything that everyone in your life is doing right now, that’s okay. One day, you will be able to get there but at this age just keep in mind you are living your best for what your abilities are.
I have no use for these “bullet” points anymore, I have no valid points or arguements. I’m running low on my inspiration for this current subject now, even though the subject seems to be primarily me. With all of this, what I’m trying to say is though my heart is aching I am trying to do the best I can for myself and the ones surrounding me. My fuel is low though and I plan to fill up tomorrow while using the last of today’s to document.